Love the Word No (Your Shortest Self-Care Practice)
Once upon a time, I was a professional yes-sayer.
“Julie, can you make the dinner reservations?” Of course.
“Julie, can you manage that difficult client?” Absolutely.
“Mom, can you cook my favorite meal, help with homework, and pick up my friend for dance - all at once?” Why not? I’ll just grow a third arm and teleport.
It wasn’t weird. It was just… my life. Saying yes was my default setting.
But then I started noticing a theme: everyone around me seemed calm. Meanwhile, I was one group text away from a full system crash.
Through coaching, I realized the unworkability in my life wasn’t because I lacked time - it was because I kept giving my word to things without thinking. I equated saying no with being selfish, lazy, or (my personal favorite) a bad person. But the truth? Saying yes all the time made me stressed, scattered, and occasionally resentful in a smiley, people-pleasing kind of way.
Then I discovered this:
Saying no is not a rejection, it’s a leadership skill. (Also, it’s free self-care. And takes less time than drinking a green juice.) Even Warren Buffett - yes, that Warren Buffett - once said, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.” Translation: Boundaries make you powerful, not prickly.
Try this: Swap the Reset For a Pause
Here’s a quick cheat sheet for rewiring your “yes” reflex:
Situation: Immediate request Old Response: “Sure, no problem!” New Response: “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.”
Situation: Guilt yes Old Response: “Okay, I guess I can do it…” New Response: “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t commit right now.”
Situation: Resentful yes Old Response: Smiles through gritted teeth New Response: “I’m going to say no so I don’t over promise something I can’t deliver.”
Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care enough - about your time, your energy, and doing things well instead of doing everything.
So before you say yes to the next request, pause. Count to three. Ask yourself:
Is this aligned with how I want to spend my time and energy?
If not? Say no - with grace, not guilt.
Because the shortest self-care practice in the world is a single word: No.
And weirdly enough, it might be the thing that makes you a better leader, too.