How Do You React?

Can you think of a time when something didn’t go as planned and you reacted? - Maybe it was with frustration, a sarcastic comment, or a death glare that could curdle milk. Now think how did that reaction impact the result?

Reactions are inevitable. You’re not a monk on a mountaintop. You’re a human in a workplace full of deadlines, last-minute feedback, and people who email “just circling back” with the energy of a thousand suns.

As a coach, I hear my clients talk about resilience in a way that suggests they feel they need to shut down their emotions:, “How do I get rid of my frustration? One client asked.

He was stuck in a pattern, every time he finished a project, a colleague would swoop in with late-stage feedback, forcing him to work late into the night. And every time, he’d react - with resentment, irritation, fatigue.

The truth is, you can’t get rid of a feeling. Emotions don’t disappear because you asked nicely. But you can recognize them, name them, and stop them from running the show.

I gave this client what most of us need: permission to react. Of course, he was frustrated - this pattern was unworkable. The goal isn’t to suppress the reaction. It’s to use it as data.

Resilience isn’t about being unflappable. It’s about noticing what flaps you - and then learning how to move forward anyway.

The power of resilience starts with awareness. What triggers you? What’s your go-to reaction style? (Passive-aggressive Slack message? Nervous laughter? Rage snacking?)

I had this client make a list of his typical triggers and reactions. Then, I challenged him to bring that awareness into a team conversation - not to call people out, but to build a collective understanding of how behaviors impact each other. Because resilience isn’t just for an individual; it’s a team sport.

Finally, we mapped out what it would look like to collaborate on reactions. Not prevent them entirely (spoiler: impossible), but manage them when they show up. Because they will show up. That’s what humans do - we mess up, we react, and ideally, we grow.

So next time you feel yourself react - stay in the conversation. Notice what lit the match. Track your inner asshole. Then decide what you want to do with that information.

That’s resilience - and it beats rage-snacking alone at your desk.