Integrity: How to Be a Grown-up Without Needing a Therapist on Speed Dial

Most leaders don’t walk around thinking, “You know what would really help my team today? Some unspoken resentment and a vague sense of chaos.”

And yet…here we are.

Things stop working. Deadlines get missed. People stop replying to emails until you write “Just circling back!” in bold red font. The culprit? Nine times out of ten, it’s a breakdown in integrity - not in a moral failure kind of way, but in a your-word-didn’t-match-your-actions kind of way.

Micheal Jensen in his piece, Integrity, Without it, Nothing works, makes the case that  integrity isn’t about morality. It’s about workability. When something isn’t working, the first thing to do isn’t to blame the team, the system, or the moon phase. It’s to take responsibility for your role in the breakdown.

This is where the “clean-up conversation” comes in. Think of it as the grown-up version of “my bad” but with a little more leadership and a lot less guilt. Here’s how to master the “clean it up” conversation (without sounding like you read it in a management book from 2002):

• Step 1: Spot the Unworkability Where’s the friction? Where is your word not matching your actions? Are people confused, annoyed, or checked out? (Be honest.) If you’ve been avoiding a conversation, there’s probably something there to clean up.

• Step 2: Take Responsibility Drop the blame, the shame, and the spreadsheet of excuses. Say what didn’t happen, why it matters, and how you’re going to make it right. Examples: “I missed the deadline. You’ll have it by Friday. In the future, I’ll need data on Monday to avoid the same issue.” “I haven’t communicated clearly. That’s on me. Here’s what I need going forward.”

• Step 3: Restore Your Word This means making a new agreement people can count on - and being clear about what you’re asking of them in return.

Clean-up conversations aren’t fun. They’re not sexy. But they’re the duct tape of leadership: invisible when done right, essential when ignored.

The moment you stop trying to look perfect and start telling the truth, people relax. They trust you. They stop cc’ing your boss on every reply. And you - yes you - get your power back.

So here’s your challenge: Look around. Where is something not working? Where have you gone quiet instead of coming clean? What conversation are you avoiding?

Have it. Own it. Clean it up.

Because leadership isn’t about getting it right the first time - it’s about getting real every time.