The Challenge Pause: Exit Door for the Persecutor

“He’s totally disengaged,” she sighed, already halfway to the termination paperwork. 

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that from a senior leader. In this case, she was talking about a high-potential team member who had gone quiet, missing deadlines, showing up late, not offering much in meetings. She’d already started planning his exit.

But something stopped her - maybe instinct, maybe grace. She paused. Got curious. Asked instead of assumed. Instead of cutting him loose, she asked a few more questions. What emerged was something else entirely: turns out, he wasn’t disengaged - he was lost, overloaded, and quietly panicking. Not lazy, just stuck. That shift from certainty to curiosity changed everything.

Inquiry: The Exit from Persecutor to Challenger

The empowered way out of the Persecutor role? Challenge - with compassion. A Challenger names the issue with clarity and invites ownership. Here’s how inquiry makes that possible:

Instead of “Why is this still not done?” Try “What’s actually in the way right now?”

Instead of I guess I’ll just handle it myself again.” Try “What support would help you finish this confidently?”

Instead of “This is unacceptable.” Try “What’s your take on what’s your next move?”

These questions shift the energy from blame to possibility. They open the door to accountability without aggression. Next time you feel that sharp, righteous edge rising - like your inner courtroom is ready to object - try this instead:

• “Am I trying to be right - or trying to be useful?”

• “Is this frustration…actually fear in a power suit?”

• “Can I challenge this without burning the house down?”

Breathe. Ask, don’t assume. Challenge without crushings. Stay curious longer than is comfortable. Great leaders don’t dodge the hard stuff - they just know to serve it without a side of shame.