The Coaching Pause: The Exit Door for the Rescuer
Your team is spinning, the numbers aren’t adding up, and the meeting feels like a slow-motion car crash in a fog of passive agreement. You’ve got ideas (and let’s be honest, the answer). So you do what any well-meaning, mildly panicked leader would do: You step in and save the day. Crisis averted. Everyone nods. And yet…
The next time a project gets stuck? They wait for you to step in, again.
Congrats, you just landed the lead role in The Rescuer: A Micromanagement Musical.
When Ego Dresses Up as Helpfulness
The Rescuer is the most seductive role in the Drama Triangle because it wears the perfect disguise: good leadership in a crisis.
Jumping in to “save time”
Rewriting decks that “just need polish”
Taking over to “keep things moving”
Hovering under the banner of “just trying to help”
But underneath all that helpfulness is something else: A subtle (but loud) message of “You can’t do this without me.” That’s not leadership. That’s your ego auditioning for job security.
The Hidden Costs of Rescuing
Rescuing feels supportive. But behind the cape is a pattern that quietly erodes trust and team capacity:
Robbing others of growth: We steal their chance to wrestle, solve, stretch, and succeed.
Creating dependency: We train people to defer upward instead of building their own capacity.
Fueling our identity: We stay important by staying needed.
In the short term, rescuing feels good. It looks efficient. But in the long term, it burns out leaders and breaks down teams. Because if you’re always catching the ball, don’t be shocked when no one learns to throw.
Inquiry: The Exit from Rescuer to Coach
The empowered shift out of Rescuer is coaching. Coaches don’t fix. They stay in the discomfort long enough for someone else’s capability to rise to the surface. Here’s how inquiry helps you do that:
Instead of “Let me just do this part for you.” Ask “What part of this feels unclear or overwhelming right now?”
Instead of “I’ll talk to them so you don’t have to.” Ask “What support do you need to have that conversation yourself?”
Instead of “Let me figure this out.” Ask“What options are you considering?”
Helping isn’t bad. But when it comes from fear, ego, or the need to be needed, it creates a ceiling on growth for everyone.
Coaching expands the room. It invites others to take up space, take ownership, and take responsibility. That’s how you build teams that get strong.
Next time you feel the urge to jump in and save the day, pause and ask yourself:
“Is this about them or about me?”
“What am I afraid will happen if I don’t step in?”
“Can I support without solving?”
Ask the question. Stay in the space it creates. That space? That’s where real leadership begins - and ego finally takes a seat.