Seeing Your Own Ladder: Why Awareness Comes First
This morning, in a one-on-one with my leader, I caught myself mid-rant: “I am glad she responded, but why can’t she just have the conversation Tuesday while she’s driving home from the airport?”
The tone? Hot. The assumption? She’s not committed to the project. The truth?
I was half way up my ladder of influence before I even finished the sentence.
That’s the thing about assumptions, they’re sneaky. Without awareness, they don’t just color how we see others; they become the entire lens through which we interpret challenges, conversations, and yes, even ourselves.
Why Your Brain Is Not Always Your Best Friend
Chris Argyris’s Ladder of Inference helps us spot the mental gymnastics we perform daily. It’s a model that maps how we go from raw data (“She hasn’t scheduled the call”) to full-blown conclusion (“She doesn’t care about this project”) in five seconds flat.
And our brains? They love this shortcut. Research shows we have around 70,000 thoughts a day. About 80% of those thoughts are repetitive or negative. Roughly 80% of them are either repetitive or negative. In other words, your brain is that one coworker who loves drama and always assumes the worst.
It sounds like this:
“This meeting’s going to be a waste of time.”
“I already know how they’ll react.”
“This person clearly hates their job! Why don’t they just leave?”
Often, we don’t realize we’re spiraling until the words are already out, and possibly echoing awkwardly in a very quiet Zoom room.
The First Step Is Seeing the Ladder
Leadership starts with noticing how you think, not just what you think. All of us carry mental filters shaped by past wins, old wounds, our families, our culture, and that boss we had in 2009 who micromanaged our soul into a raisin. These filters decide what data we notice, what meaning we assign to it, and what truth we believe we’re seeing.
But here’s the catch: we’re not seeing the truth. We’re seeing our truth, shaped by everything we’ve carried with us up to now.
So what happens when we interrupt the climb? Imagine if I paused mid-sentence this morning and thought: “I’m assuming she’s not committed just because she wants to debrief from her office. What else could be true?”
Boom. That’s the shift, from reaction to inquiry. From assumption to curiosity. That’s the moment leadership begins.
Your Anti-Ladder Toolkit: Three Questions
Next time you feel yourself mentally sprinting up the ladder, try this:
Attention: Where is my attention right now? Is it on the person in front of me or on the Hulu mini-series playing in my head?
Intention: What do I really want from this conversation? To be right - or to build understanding?
Action: What’s called for at this moment? A pause? A question? Maybe… just listening?
The goal isn’t to stop having thoughts (you’re human). The goal is to notice the climb, pause long enough to check your assumptions, and choose a response that builds clarity instead of confusion.
That is the good kind of power - the kind that creates trust, alignment, and actual momentum.