From Assumptions to Drama: Why Leadership Gets Messy (and What to Do About it)
If you’ve been following along in my Field Notes Series, you already know know how the Ladder of Inference works: We take in a sliver of reality, fill in the blanks with assumptions, build a compelling internal Netflix drama, and then react with total confidence, completely unaware of our own blind spots.
But here’s what happens next: when those unchecked assumptions go emotional, things get messy.
We slip into roles. We assign blame. We overhelp, overfunction, or shut down. Suddenly we’re not leading from vision, we’re firefighting confusion, managing tension and wondering why we’re so exhausted.
Sound familiar?
Here’s what I often see in executive coaching:
The Frustrated CEO: “Why won’t anyone just take initiative?” (Meanwhile, they’ve been rescuing so much they’ve unintentionally trained the team to wait for orders.)
The Overprotective VP: Avoids hard conversations to “protect morale” and accidentally shields people from growth.
The Martyr Director: Does everything themselves because “no one else can do it right” and wonders why burnout is their baseline.
Meet the Drama Triangle: Leadership's Emotional Bermuda Triangle
Psychiatrist Stephen Karpman named it years ago. The Drama Triangle. It’s what shows up when emotional intelligence takes a coffee break.
The roles:
The Rescuer: “Let me fix this for you.” (Feels needed)
The Victim: “This is happening to me.” (Feels powerless)
The Persecutor: “This is your fault.” (Feels right, but not effective)
These roles look like leadership. They feel active, urgent, even righteous. But they’re actually creating drama, dependency, slow decision-making, and erode trust. They model reactivity, instead of reflection. And the team feels it.
There’s a way out
This new series will pick up where the Ladder left off - with the moment of reaction. That’s where real leadership begins.
We’ll explore how to:
Spot drama before it takes over the room
Identify the emotional roles leaders unconsciously play
Shift from reaction to responsibility
Replace drama with clarity, accountability, and trust
No judgment. Just awareness, tools, and a little humor to help you trade drama for discipline and ego for awareness.
See you in the next post.