Test the Assumptions: Does Talking = Shared Understanding?
Let’s be honest, most leadership conversations aren't really conversations. They’re a series of monologues. Each person delivers their carefully prepared talks like they’re giving a TED talk, hoping others nod in agreement and we can all go home slightly more exhausted than before.
By default, we speak from our own history: shaped by past wins, fears, beliefs, and that one time someone misunderstood us in a boardroom and we’ve never quite gotten over it. We think we’re being clear, but everyone else is filtering their own words through their own experiences.
The result? Everyone leaves the same meeting with a slightly different story of what happened and what should happen next.
When Talking Isn’t Enough
In our increasingly complex (bonkers!) world leaders often use meetings to broadcast updates instead of creating space to listen and learn. And it shows. So let’s test this with a quick experiment. Follow the instructions exactly:
Read the sentence below and count the number of F’s:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY
COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF MANY YEARS OF EXPERTS.
How many did you count 2, 5, or 7? Most people miss some because the mind filters out what seems unimportant. If you skipped “OF” it’s because the word makes a V sound. How about the F in the middle of the word scientiFic? Most proficient readers skip the middle of the word, reading the beginning and ending of the word to save time.
In conversation, we do the same: filtering what doesn’t fit our view or feels like a waste of time. This quick experiment shows that just disseminating information can actually lead to misconceptions or a misunderstanding of the expected results.
This is even more true when strong opinions or emotions are involved. When we lock in our truth, our minds conveniently lock out anything that contradicts it. In neuroscience, this is called a scotoma - a mental blind spot. (And yes, we all have them.)
That’s why we can walk away from a meeting with two wildly different plans of action. Because information was shared, but understanding never landed.
Leadership Moves: From Monologue to Meaning
If we want to lead differently, we have to listen differently. Start here:
Slow down: Thinking takes time. Listening requires silence. Silence is not wasted time - it’s where real insight gets a chance to speak.
Notice the noise: If your brain starts rehearsing your response or you feel yourself tuning out, pause. Reconnect. The conversation isn’t over just because your opinion feels ready.
Inquiry: Don’t just say what you think, say how you got there. What did you notice? What data shaped your conclusion?
What led you to your view?
What are you seeing that I might be missing?
Shared understanding isn’t a side effect of talking. It’s a result of pausing, questioning, and noticing. The next time you're tempted to assume you're all on the same page, stop and ask: Did we actually write the same book?