How to Exhale Yourself to Sleep

What keeps you up at night? Other than existential dread, of course. Research suggests one in five Americans wake up in the middle of the night and then immediately audition for the role of Overthinking Olympian. Many of the leaders I coach share that while they can fall asleep quickly, the instant they wake up their mind starts to race. Sometimes they are in the past, reviewing a conversation that didn’t go well or they are in the future planning an upcoming presentation to the board. 

Geez, haven’t you earned a break from your brain? It’s been working overtime all day. Give it a snack and send it to bed.  By focusing on your breath, you direct your attention to the present moment, leaving yesterday's frustrations and future worries for another time.

Many professionals agree. Active-duty military specialists are trained in several different breathing techniques that help them fall asleep despite the chaos surrounding them. Even pop culture agrees. Anna Nalick famously reminded us to: “breathe, just breathe” and honestly, that’s better advice than 90% of what’s on Linkedin.

There are even books that speak to how your breath can impact your sleep. James Nestor, author of the book, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, explains that, “The breath is our anchor in the present moment.” In theory, it sounds simple. In practice, keeping my mind anchored during a 2 a.m. mental hurricane is like trying to do yoga on a trampoline. While blindfolded. During tax season.

When my coach led me through a few breathing exercises, I discovered that I wasn’t a person with anxiety, it was my thinking that created anxious moments. Any time, during the day or night, when I felt anxious, I would use my breath to anchor myself in the present. If I had recorded my mind last night, it would have sounded like a motivational podcast produced by squirrels. Here’s the highlight reel:

Breathe in through the nose 1, 2, 3, 4. Continue again, breathe 1, 2, 3, 4. Breathe out and mentally say, “Stop thinking.” Like you’re the bouncer at Club Brain, and thoughts aren’t on the guest list.

My mind: Do I have time for a nap tomorrow? Let’s see, walk the dogs, three coaching sessions, a team meeting, grocery store, make dinner. I don’t think I can nap unless a client cancels. Oh, right, focus on my breathing.

Breathe in through the nose 1, 2, 3, 4. Continue again, breathe 1, 2, 3, 4. Breathe out and mentally say, “Stop Thinking.”

My mind: Sh*t, I forgot to reschedule the Zoom call for my client. I also have to send that card to my daughter. Sh*t, I’m thinking again.

Breathe in through the nose 1, 2, 3, 4. Continue again, breathe 1, 2, 3, 4. Breathe out and mentally say, “Stop Thinking.”

Alarm goes off. Wow, I wonder when I fell asleep?

While I never know how many times I need to focus on my breathing until I anchor my thinking and fall asleep, I do know that breathing is one way I handle the thoughts racing through my mind. 

So, skip the sheep - they don’t know what they’re doing either. Instead, breathe like you mean it and let your thoughts know who’s in charge.

You don’t have to think your way to sleep. You just have to come back to the present. Try it tonight - and tell me how it goes.